How do I Choose Intended Parents as a Gestational Surrogate

This post is presented by Proud Fertility  

Nathan, how do I choose my intended parents? You’ve only presented me two profiles of intended parents so far, and already I feel like I’m living “Sophie’s Choice” 

The above is lifted from a recent email, sent to me from a newly signed on Proud Surrogate. I think it is such a relevant topic to discuss with you, as you think more and more about embarking of a surrogacy journey.

Here are five top questions I ask surrogates that often lead to a good discussion, and eventually helping parties to find the right fit.

1. What kind of a relationship do you want with your intended parents?

Watch the reaction of these Proud Intended Parents from France find out if they’re having a boy or girl

Intended Parents come from all parts of Canada and around the world. There are far more intended parents than gestational carriers, and you have the ability to decide who you want to help.  Would you like them to be present at any of your medical appointments? Would you like to have calls and video-chats with them? How often – daily? Weekly? Monthly?

Do you want to celebrate milestones with them, like have them attend a dating ultrasound?

Would you get a kick out of throwing them a gender reveal?

Would it be overwhelming for you as a gestational carrier to run into your intended parents at your local Walmart LOL?

Proud Fertility will support surrogates and intended parents on a communication plan that is appropriate both parties.

Managing Director Nathan Chan and Intended Parent reflects on how important communication is in the surrogacy journey.

2. What are your views on termination and are you willing to terminate the pregnancy for medical reasons?

This is one of the harder sides of surrogacy and pregnancy. Sometimes there are medical abnormalities and health issues for the fetus, and medical advice may be to consider terminating the pregnancy.

This is one of the most important considerations in finding a fit between surrogates and intended parents. A surrogate with more pro-life views, would obviously not be a good fit with intended parents who have more pro-choice views. There needs to be a good understanding between the parties of what kind of medical issue the intended parents may desire a termination. It’s most definitely an important consideration in the Legal Agreement between surrogates and intended parents. For example, it can get very controversial and tricky if some surrogates may not feel comfortable terminating the pregnancy if there is a risk of Trisomy 21.

What I say is, for every surrogate, there are intended parents who would be forever grateful and willing to work with her. We must respect termination views in surrogacy.

3. What kind of a birth plan do you have?

Surrogates can choose a midwife or a medical doctor as their primary caregiver during pregnancy. They can also choose to have a waterbirth, and have a birth at home, home-birthing center, or a hospital.

If intended parents are uncomfortable with what the surrogate’s desired birth plan is, I’m super blunt about this – there is no fit!!! The actual birth is possibly the most important part of the surrogacy journey… and the surrogate needs to have a comfortable environment as she brings life into this world as a birth goddess!

A little plug here about how much we believe in birth doulas- Proud Fertility always guarantees every Proud Surrogate the service of a birth doula.

4. What kind of intended parents do you want to help?

Did you know that 1 in 6 people struggle with infertility? It affects more people than you can imagine. Do you want to help someone who is:

  • couple or single?
  • heterosexual or LGBTQ?
  • a cancer survivor?
  • Canadian or international?

5. Do you want to help someone who would have the hardest chance at finding a surrogate?

Perhaps this is the most interesting question that I like asking women who want to give this huge gift of family. At Proud Fertility, we focus on inclusion and we work with intended parents who are so different. As a single parent by choice myself, I know what it’s like (it’s super difficult) to find a woman willing to carry for a single male.

At Proud Fertility, we truly truly believe that every person deserves the chance to become a parent. Often women come to Proud Fertility, having this idea that they wanted to help an infertile heterosexual couple and they never imagined that their gift can be just as valued and appreciated by someone who is so desperate to want to be a mom or dad.

The kinds of intended parents who have the hardest time finding a surrogate willing to carry for them are often the following (but not limited to):

  • people with HIV (yes, people it is possible for people with HIV to be parents and the risk is minimal for surrogates)
  • older couples (they are older than 50+)
  • single people (yes this includes single gay males, single heterosexual males, single females)
  • trans people
  • people who already have a child/children (they may have experienced secondary infertility)
  • people whose don’t speak fluent English
  • people of colour and interracial couples

A Proud Single Intended Parent and his Proud Surrogate reflect on their surrogacy journey together.

I hope this blog is helpful for you in learning more about what to look for in the intended parent(s) you want to help as a surrogate mom. To begin your surrogacy, please submit an Interest Form or learn more here at: http://proudfertility.com/begin-surrogacy.

Until next month,

 

 

 

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