I wish I had a dollar for every time I hear, “You’re so lucky to be stay at home mom!”. I’d be rich! Which is ironic, considering the very fact that becoming a SAHM means I work for free. And before you working moms send me hate mail, I must tell you I’ve also been a full time working mom. So, I feel confident in saying that both working outside the home and being a SAHM are equally hard and exhausting, just in different ways.

After my first child was born and my maternity leave was over, I returned to my full-time job. Life was busy! I remember the hustle and bustle every morning to get up and out the door. Packing lunches, clothes, bottles, milk, snow pants, extra mitts, extra socks etc, worrying the unplanned 20 extra minutes it took me to zip up her jacket, find a matching sock, or clean up the perfectly timed explosive poop would make me late. I remember being woken up at 3 am by a sick, screaming toddler and being terrified to have to call in sick, again. I worried so much.  It’s amazing that I was able to even get to work 98% of the time considering the 2.5 hours before my work day even started, consumed more energy than running a 30k.  Every day felt the same. At the end of a long work day, I would rush out like a crazy person to pick her up at the sitters, trying my best to be on time. Back home to start supper (…damn, I forgot to defrost the chicken!), then, an hour or so of play, a quick bath, snack, stories and finally… BEDTIME! But wait, at the end of my 14 hour day I really only got to spend a few hours of good quality time with my kids!? Not fair- those SAHMs are so lucky!

I also never had time for friends, especially my super cool and stylish childless friends. I mean, I love all my friends and always had the greatest of intentions, but my 2 day weekends seemed to disappear quicker than Houdini! Lack of time is definitly the biggest struggle of the working mom!

However, there are some major benefits of working outside the home. Firstly, you gain more of an appreciation for time spent with your kids. I remember being so excited at the end of the day to see Lucy’s sweet face and hear all about her day! And, if you’re lucky enough to find a childcare provider that you love as much as we did, it’s comforting to know that they are in great hands. Secondly, Lucy gained a lot of independence being apart from me. It was really nice to see that she felt confident being in someone else’s care and it has proved to last through the years. Never has she had a meltdown when I needed to go out, in fact she loves spending the day with others when I can’t be there. She was used to being around other kids and developed great social skills as well! Thirdly, for myself, I felt really empowered being a working mom. I loved the independence that it gave me for those 8 hours a day, not to mention a hot coffee, lunch break and some extra cash in my pocket!

Fast forward to the birth of my second child.

My maternity leave was coming to an end and after realizing that sending both kids to full time daycare was going to require me to make an Oprah salary, I panicked. Honestly, I just never really wanted to be a SAHM!

So, here I am, the SAHM that I never thought I would be. Each morning I am thankful that when I am awoken at the crack of dawn, I am not forced to try and make myself look presentable. On the other hand the sweats on, hair in bun and no shower look day in and out, tends to wear on your self-esteem. With an 18 month old and a 4.5 year old, meeting their individual needs can be trying. I worry that they’re not getting what they need, both physically and mentally most days. I mean yes, Full House & the Tanner family are teaching them valuable life lessons, but I fear they may need a bit more one-on-one time.  I have also forgotten how to properly interact with anyone over 4 feet. When I’m forced to have a conversation that requires I stand up straight, I often find myself nervous and awkward. What’s new with me you ask? Well… yesterday I was able to run 5 different errands all by myself and I got a killer deal on peppers at Costco! But of course, I still have a little bit of social awareness left in me so instead I say… oh, nothing much, you? I seriously have NOTHING to talk about anymore!

I also struggle with my own professional insecurities. My husband has always been supportive in whatever I wanted to do and never makes me feel as though I’m just a lady who lunches (which sounds a whole lot better than a lady who eats left over crust from her kid’s grilled cheese). Being out of that world for so long is scary. And even though I realize that what I am doing now (here at home), is just as or more valuable to me than any job I’ve had in the past, I do worry that I am taking steps backwards.

You see, I used to be the working mom who thought that a SAHM was so lucky! I missed my kids when I was working. I hated that I didn’t have any flexibility and I feared that I was missing really important moments in their little lives. I am now the SAHM who thinks that a working mom is also really lucky!  I miss the independence, the pride I felt in my ability to “do it all” and strangely enough, the routine!

So, next time you see that SAHM for 5 seconds on your lunch break- mindlessly strolling through the aisles of the grocery store with her well behaved kids in tow, please remember that in another 10 seconds all will go to shit and she will be looking at you strolling alone with your great outfit, hair and makeup thinking ” you’re so lucky to be a working mom!”.

The grass on each side, is both shit brown and vibrant green.

Rebecca West