I’m scared. Really f*&^ing scared. That sounds melodramatic, but it’s the truth. Being a parent is terrifying and, in this day and age, there’s no shortage of things to be afraid of. However, there are a few anxiety-inducing things that really stick out to me, as the mother of two small children aged 3.5 years and 16 months. Before having kids, they should have asked me if I was emotionally stable enough to have my heart walk around outside my body. Although at the time I would have said, “Yes totally, no worries there – I’m not a nostalgic, overly sensitive hypochondriac,” I would have been lying. I am all of those things, and motherhood has magnified them to the enth degree. It may seem dramatic, but some days it is certainly the truth.

First and foremost, I worry about their health and well-being. No matter how carefully I feed them, I feel as though my control over their health is limited. Considering environmental and genetic factors, my only hope is to mitigate or minimize illness through a healthy lifestyle. However, I too was once a teenager – I lived on fish sticks, fries and Mr. Noodles! And God forbid either of them encounter a serious illness or injury. I salute parents who have faced these challenges with courage and grace. How would I cope? Not well, I assure you. Let’s file that one under “Only Somewhat in my Hands.”

Then there is social media. Don’t even get me started. You know you are getting old when you regularly make comments like, “In my day, all we had was dial-up, ICQ and MSN Messenger.” Ah yes, the Golden years. But now with the Instagrams and the Snapchats and the Tinders (to name a few), how am I able to ensure that my children don’t become subjected to embarrassment, peer pressure, bullying, or worse? How am I going to help my children navigate the wild, unpredictable, ever-changing world of the internet when I myself barely understand it? I file that one under “You’re Never Having an iPhone.” 

Let’s move on to human suffering. Lovely. As a larger global issue, the stories of tragedy from around the world tear at my heart now that I am a parent. I put the faces of my children on any of the small victims of displacement or crime, and I’m a wreck. When I think of the recent Orlando shootings, of Brock Turner, or of the ongoing migration crisis, for examples, I feel a real sense of hopelessness. How easily could that have been one of us, if my children and I had been born in a different set of circumstances? Sometimes when I am ready to blow a gasket, remembering my good fortune calms me down (a bit) and forces me to remain thankful for my relatively minor inconveniences. Put that in the “Goddamnit You’re Lucky” folder.

And now let’s talk about climate change. As scientists warn that we are in the middle of the sixth mass extinction, I cannot believe the world my children will inherit. The changes in extreme weather, the mass removal of natural resources, and the migratory interference of species will all continue to impact their ability to access clean water, basic food, and breathe clean air. Even though as a family we recycle, compost, and attempt to reduce our carbon foot print, we are by no means perfect. We could do so much more. Nay, we NEED to do so much more. I feel tremendous pressure to raise my children to understand the value of Mother Nature, for all she is capable of, and our rooted responsibility (no pun intended) to protect her as much as we can. I am putting that in the “Action is Imminent” folder.

But despite that dystopic view, let’s talk about what gives me hope! First and foremost, my family. My immediate family, my extended family, friends I call family, all of them. They are wonderful, unique, eccentric and vibrant people who support me unconditionally. I will never worry about the love and care of my children because of them. I myself feel pretty damn loved most of the time. Deep down, I know I will always have a place to turn and that my children will always have the loving arms of this wider family structure to protect them. That gives me a great sense of comfort.

We also have our health. We have a healthy family and we do our best to take care of ourselves. It’s important that I teach my children you have nothing if you don’t have your health – physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional. It all matters. As I am always personally striving to be healthier, I hope I am setting the right example.

I am so grateful for where I live. Yes Canada, and yes, New Brunswick! I hear a lot of negativity about this province but from what I can see, we are surrounded by natural resources, diversity, language, and a whole whack of driven, intelligent, innovative people. There is a spirit of entrepreneurship and collaboration, where people are able to take their ideas and make them into success stories (hello, Mom Talk Blog). Yes, as a province we have challenges but those challenges also present great opportunities. I also love my hometown of Fredericton. I feel so fortunate to have easy access to our phenomenal trail system, to live in a clean city with a low crime rate, to be able to look out my window and see the Saint John River (just to name a few). I have shown some restraint here – the list of things I appreciate about my hometown is extensive, and that’s a good problem to have.

Lastly, what gives me hope for my children is my own general belief in the kindness and compassion of humanity. Sappy, sappy, sappy, but it’s true. There are a lot of a-holes out there. A lot of people who make me question this world. But for every one of them, I see many others who care deeply about humanity, about the environment, about equality and peace. It is my goal to make sure my children are those people, and I will be damned if I don’t teach myself how to be one along the way.

xo, Holly P.

About the Author

Hi everyone! My name is Holly Pacey (Goodwin), and I was born and raised here in Fredericton, New Brunswick. I am an educator by trade with a Bachelor of Education from Saint Thomas University (2010), but consider myself a life-long student rather than a teacher alone. I am the mother to two young children – my son Desmond and my daughter Marigold. I consider myself pretty outgoing, fairly sarcastic, extremely nostalgic, a massive dreamer and fiercely loyal. I have a number of interests and passions. On a professional level I have a keen interest in areas such as sustainability, the local food movement, environmental issues and community growth. On a personal level I love spending time with my family and friends, being outside, and experiencing new adventures with my husband and children. I love(/hate) to run, practice yoga, and experiment in the kitchen. Not to sound too cheesy but my family and I have a strong love of New Brunswick and believe in our potential as a province. I am thrilled to be part of the Mom Talk team and look forward to interacting with many of you going forward!

Likes – eating, cooking, being active

Dislikes – cleaning, organizing, budgeting