Raising A Boy in the Wake of #METOO | By Janet Francis

January 23, 2019

I recently wrote a letter to my son as I often do, this way when he is older and reads back on them he will know exactly how I was feeling at that moment in time. I shared a shortened version of this on social media and as a result was encouraged to share my thoughts on raising a boy in the middle of a female empowerment movement. While the way we have chosen to raise our son and our core beliefs have always remained the same, some of the topics we may have saved for when he got a little older we have slowly started talking about when the opportunity for such discussion presents itself. I write this article as a mom of a boy and girl. Boy moms, some of you may relate to my thoughts and feelings about raising boys at this moment in time, some of you may not. At the end of the day, nothing is perfect, no one is perfect and we can only hope our children utilize the skills and values we have taught them when they grow up and are out on their own. The thoughts in this piece reflect my personal experiences and feelings. I don’t identify as a feminist, activist or anything else other than a mom trying to raise a little boy in the middle of a movement. What is important about this article is I believe that it will spark conversation and while maybe not change peoples views it may show a different perspective.

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Dear Sutter,

It’s January 2019, you’re 7. The world is in the middle of a movement and as the mom of a daughter I’m so proud to be a woman right now, women are making strides to create a better future for little girls like your sister. I am also the mom to you, a boy and because of a few sh*tty men, the whole gender seems to be under fire right now. But know this – it’s the minority not the majority, good men still exist & you’re surrounded by examples of what it is to be a good man. I don’t worry so much about the little boy that we are raising as much as I worry about the world we are going to be sending you into – there is a lot of bad stuff out there but I encourage you to find and BE the good, because there IS so much good out there. For now all we can do is prepare you. We’re teaching you proper values and morals. We’re teaching you respect of both yourself and others. We’re showing you equality no matter gender/race/religion, no one person is more important than another. We’ve got this, but as you get older it will be up to you to practice the values we have instilled in you. Practice self respect in both your words and actions. We have made the conscious choice to teach you about women and how to treat them at a very early age, while we are fighting for equality your mom still believes in some traditional values like the ladies first rule – let them order first, pay on that first date, ask her if you can carry that bag for her, let her walk thru that door first and it’s still okay to compliment women, but be a gentleman about it, the “old boys club” thought process is outdated, but chivalry will never be dead. These things will not just make you a “nice guy” they will make you a nice human.

The term “boys will be boys” doesn’t mean you get to comment, touch, or treat a women (or anyone) with disrespect and it’s okay, this is not the meaning of boys will be boys. You’re a child, boys will be boys pertains to children and child like things like – jumping in those puddles when I tell you not too, climbing around on the furniture when I have warned you twice already, pulling dirty clothes out of the laundry and thinking that’s ok attire for the day, taking that jump on your four wheeler while my heartbeats out of my chest, this is the meaning of “boys will be boys”. It’s not an excuse to get away with disrespecting anyone, especially women. We aren’t raising you that way. You’re entitled to nothing. In today’s world we have begun to teach you at a young age “no means no”, no matter what. Respect space, everyone’s. If you are too close to someone, in their personal space or doing something they do not like. Stop. There is nothing else to it, just stop. We have given you the tools, the examples and the lessons to be a good man and a kind human, please surround yourself with friends who have the same values and help educate the ones who do not. Don’t be oblivious to negative behaviours male or female, if you ever see something you know is wrong I always urge you to help, if you cannot help, speak up until someone listens. Be the kind little boy that turns into a kind man. You have a great example to follow, as did he.

Be your dad.

Love,

Mom Xo

MEET JANET

“The decisions of other moms do not need to dictate mine” – my motherhood motto.  Four months into my very new relationship with my now fiancé Trevor, we were blessed with a wonderful surprise we now call Sutter. Now five years old he is the sweetest, oldest soul I know. I work full-time at a job I love, with many of my friends and where, like life with a five year old – no two days are the same. I have found a great balance between family life, work life and me time, something I am very proud of as I find a lot of women struggle with taking “me time” without having the guilt that comes with it. Motherhood has brought out a confidence in me I never knew existed. I don’t know much about anything when it comes to parenting, I’m purely trial and error, find what works for our family and I stick with it. Most of my pieces will be about my reality and personal experiences, light hearted but always a lesson learned. When not working or “moming” I can be found hash tagging my way thru social medi a, sprinting….who am I kidding, jogging my way thru local running events, dining with girlfriends – bottle of wine in hand or planning my next getaway. I’m excited to have been selected as contributor to Mom Talk, out of my comfort zone and putting myself out there for the world to judge,#personalgrowth #adventure!