Don’t adjust your screen, your eyes don’t deceive you.  I’m a man, a man surrounded by children, and guess what? They’re not all mine.  I’m a Stay at Home Dad (SAHD) and have been for almost four years.  Wait it gets even better…I care for our friends’ two kids as well.  Oh yeah and another neighbor’s son two mornings a week for a little while. And I’m not done. Last weekend we added another member to our family: Lucy Whitetoes, a 2 year-old boxer- mix pup.    Who would do this by choice? I guess it’s me. Life’s so very short, and it’s far from guaranteed. I want to be there as my kids grow, savouring all the moments.  All the other kids and madness just adds to the excitement and challenge..

Throughout my life I’ve been a square peg in a round hole.  Smart enough to do what I put my mind to, but uninterested in following a conventional route through life.  After several failed stabs at University in a variety of disciplines, I threw in the towel and joined the semi secret ranks of the Zamboni Driving Brotherhood. My job brought me immense joy: the camaraderie, a nearly stress-free workplace, a legendary job title and the smiles on kids’ faces when I zipped by and tooted the horn.  I liked to tell people I was a Canadian Superhero and in the kids’ eyes (and some adults), I was.

Before our first daughter was born my wife Susan and I were mired in a multi-year struggle to conceive.  The two of us visited a friend in Toronto who’d just finished a stint at home with his daughter. I was very interested in hearing his take. Although we didn’t yet have a baby, we were committed that if/when the day came, I’d stay home.  ‘’Don’t do it.’’ he whispered under his breath. Although he later admitted that throughout his time at home, he complained, missed his job, felt tied to the house and didn’t get much accomplished.  As the Parental Leave came to a close he quickly realized a great opportunity had been squandered and it was never coming back. I vowed that would never be me. There was nobody who could knock me off course from what I felt was an opportunity of a lifetime.

We were fortunate enough to welcome Molly to the world on January 24th 2012. She was everything I’d ever dreamed about. The excitement I felt the first time I held her is indescribable, I’m sure I don’t need to explain.  We’d waited for so long and now she’d arrived.  3 weeks later another little girl joined the population of our sleepy riverside city as our friends welcomed a daughter as well. Unbeknownst to me, nine months later these two would flip my entire world and the direction of my life.

I’d signed up for 9 months of Paternity leave after my wife bravely went back to work 12 weeks in, trying to right the economic ship of NB.  (As an aside her stories of being a new mom and a top level executive could fill a blog of their own.)  Here I stand (I rarely sit) almost 4 years later. My days as a Zamboni-driving superhero lost in the past.  I still don a cape at home from time to time. Seriously though, the kids love dress-up.

Six months in, just sort of hitting my SAHD stride, a cute, giggly girl got dropped off at our place 3 days a week to start.  A while later it was every day.  It began as a bit of a joke between families.   “I’m going to start a daycare. Jon’s Boutique Organic Local Daycare.  With those 3 words in title you can charge a fortune.” I guess it wasn’t a joke at all. I now found myself responsible for 2 little girls.  They learned to walk together, to talk together, and I saw it all. Everyday. As their relationship evolved our families grew together, meshing ever closer  Some days are a battle, I think that’s a universality, but they’re buffered with days of sheer magic.  It’s been an incredible chance to not only see my daughter grow up, but also her best friend.  The three of us cut quite a figure while out and about in Downtown Fredericton.  Most just assumed they were twins.  The older the folks we talked to the more they loved the 3 of us.  Some asked if I was “one of those” or “doing my masters”? No, this was my job.  A job I loved like no other.  We went everywhere, when they weren’t sleeping.  With the generation 1  napping was sacrosanct, I’d learn it was less sacred the second time around..    

Skip ahead to 2014 (I’ll spare the details) and we all had kids again.  A few months apart instead of weeks, a boy and a girl.  I was graced with sisters.  But for the first time given a boy to help raise.  Well isn’t that a different experience?  An interesting change to what had become familiar.  I was getting my girl-game down tight and needed a little shake up. A cute, doe eyed, little hurricane rolly-polled into our place.   In he walked, a year old, then ran and he hasn’t stopped.  So there it is my life in a nutshell, 4 kids and me, pseudo-siblings and their shaggy faced Charioteer chugging around town. Everyday an adventure, some ill conceived, but most hitting the mark in some way.  These kids are a marvel to watch: 4 little humans, walking, talking, screaming at me “No!”  The older kids, just 4, don’t need me like they once did.  That’s unless little sister or brother is disrupting their “Ballet Lessons” in the hallway. So the toddlers are the ones underfoot, Legoing, colouring, climbing the furniture.  You know, the basics.

In all seriousness, if there’s one thing that people could say about me and “my” kids is WE LOVE READING! I love books and have for a long time.  I hope, and think I have, passed that trait on.  It’s incredibly important, in my opinion the most important job I’ve got.  The deal I’ve made is this: I will read any book they bring to me.  I know it sounds crazy, but it’s something I’ll always make time for.  There have been days when I’ve read 20+ books in a sitting, they add up when four of them shuttle the books to you.  It’s by far my favorite thing to do with them. There’s no easy road through life, but it’s a much smoother ride with strong language skills. As a SAHD I’ve made it a point to involve the kids in as many library programs as possible as well. The staff in the Children’s Department are exceptional. ( http://bit.ly/1owYNkn )

Full Disclosure: Because I spent so much time at the Library, I was asked to apply to join the Board of Trustees.  On which I now sit, as a voice of for parents of young kids in the Capital Region.  None of this would ever of happened had I remained making icy right turns at the Willie O’Ree Place..

Am I perfect? Far from it.  Am I crazy? Quite possibly.  What I’m doing is unconventional, but not completely unheard of. What really matters is that I enjoy it immensely.  That being said, it’s certainly not the gig for everyone.  And that’s perfectly ok. There are plenty of jobs out there that I wouldn’t want either.  However it’s nice to feel like you’re pretty good at a very difficult job.  I don’t need to tell any Moms and Dads out there that this is a Job.  It can be incredibly trying at times, but it has moments, lots of them, that literally take my breath away.  

One of the great things about being a SAHD is the friends I’ve made. Moms and Dads, Caregivers, Babysitters, Grandparents all doing their part to raise the next generation of Frederictonians.  The number of times I’ve been welcomed, included or invited by fantastic Moms (you know who you are) in the community is overwhelming.  Perhaps it’s to prove to other Moms that I exist, but regardless it’s appreciated.  I’m pretty sure that it changes the dynamic of a Mom group to have a Dad around, but I’ve always felt welcome.  Sadly or excellently whichever applies, a lot of parents I’ve spent time with over the years have returned to work.  I’m one of the last Unicorns, but I digress. To go along with the Moms there are also several really great SAHDs that I’ve met over the years and become great friends with, trench mates.  I’m not the only one. Maybe the only one looking after other people’s kids, but that’s beside the point.  Basically I’ve met a lot of great people over the last 4 years, trying to do their best by their own family.  We all know similar joys and struggles regardless if you’re a Mom or a Dad, biological or adopted, single or partnered.  I naively like to think that loving your kids is universal.  

Will I go back to work? People ask me often. I’m sure I’ll do something else someday.   It’s not something I spend anytime thinking about. I’m living in the moment, truly enjoying the experience that few parents get these days. For now I’ve been lucky enough to proudly carry the title SAHD and I plan to lug it around a little while longer.  As for the Future, I’m too busy raising it to worry about it.