How do I even begin to write about one of the most heartbreaking things a mother can experience?

October is pregnancy loss, miscarriage awareness month. It sounds so strange, doesn’t it? The fact that we need to have a month to shed light on the pain that mothers all over the world are experiencing this very moment. It happens each and everyday and yet, they feel like they aren’t allowed to share how they feel.

I am 1 in 4. I lost a piece of me. A version of the future that I absolutely fell in love with. The dreaming about our growing little family, all the little what ifs, the earth shattering reality when you’re told you don’t get to have that little slice of picture perfect family bliss.. That “it’s very common in first time pregnancies to experience a miscarriage” (but, let’s stick you with 400 needles and do countless rounds of blood work and not so much as even say “we’re so sorry for your loss”-at the time THIS is how it seems, looking back they were just doing their jobs.)You goto family gatherings, you hear the whispers, the looks of pity. Your friends are talking saying how “you’re not yourself, you just need to go out and have some fun” they mean well. You and I both know they do. But what you really need is to cry about it and express every single  thought and emotion  you have about the pain you feel, how empty and broken your heart is. To ask those never ending questions:  Did I do something wrong? Is this my fault? what if this happens again? Will I ever get to be a mother? Will this hurt in my heart ever go away? The truth is there is nothing you could have done differently, and that hurt never really goes away, you sort of live in the moment for a while and then all of a sudden something triggers that gut wrenching feeling. A due date. A little piece of clothing. A photo from around the time you found out. A smell. A pregnancy announcement. All of these seemingly innocent things can bring on the roughest waves of emotion.

I just… I want other moms to know they aren’t alone. You’re not alone, and I wish more than anything in the world that you never ever experienced what you’ve gone through and what this bumpy road ahead has in store. It’s so hard. It’s so heartbreaking. Know you are understood, know that it’s okay to talk about the hurt, about that sweet little bundle you didn’t get to meet. Know that you are strong and that you will make it through it, slowly, painfully, and with so much understanding for others.

For those who haven’t experienced this. A loss is a loss. You may not know someone’s story, their struggle, how much they truly loved that baby. Be there. Listen to their story. Let them explain the hurt, the suffering, The overwhelming sadness. Be a shoulder to cry on, and an ear to listen. Try not to give them advice, simply validate their feelings. I promise they will smile once again, and they will be so thankful for your kindness, your understanding and your patience.

** there are community groups and online support for mothers who have experienced a loss. Reach out. **

Lucenda

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Meet Lucenda

I’m Lucenda, or as my friends like to call me, Lue. I’m a mother to a strong willed, hilarious, and sweet little girl named Scarlett. I own/manage, alongside my wonderful husband (of nearly 5 years) Ryan, Rocky Road Auto LTD. You may have seen us advertised on this wonderful site.

I’m a sassy, country music-loving, karaoke singing, booty dancing kinda gal. I’m the friend you have fun with; you know the one who makes you have the extra glass of wine(or Jager bomb) or that piece of cake! I’m a strong believer that laughter is the best medicine.  I’ve been blessed with the most incredible family and friends a person could ever dream of (that’s not a cliché, I wholeheartedly believe it) My beliefs are simple: you get what you give, being positive will absolutely change your life for the better (especially in the bad times), kindness is contagious, and we could all stand to catch a bit more kindness. I tell it as it is, most times people appreciate it, other times it can get me into some pretty awkward situations. I watch too much TV, eat my fair share of delicious foods, love yoga, and drink too much wine. I’d love to say I’m a Pinterest mom, but I’d be full-on lying to you, unless you count Pinterest fails!  I love to strike up random conversations with just about anyone. So if you ever recognize me somewhere, stop and say hi! I feel like the world needs a little more random conversation, a lot more love, and way less negativity.

So that’s me, what you see is what you get.

Likes:  Wine. (White, Red, bottle, boxed or bagged. I’m not picky), Laughing until it hurts, Stock car Racing.

Dislikes: Rudeness, A variety of vegetables (I still eat them, but only the ones I like), Fakeness